Update

I haven't posted in a while... A lot of the blog postings I've been doing have been over at my blog on myspace. I kind of figured that I should leave this one for more "serious" topics, but since I never have any of those, the end result is usually this blog being neglected.

Last night, my sister and I were supposed to meet Ethan Zohn, Survivor Africa's winner, and we were both looking forward to it, since he's one of our favorites. Personally, I was rooting for him during Africa, and even when he went back for All Stars, so we were pretty excited. But unfortunately, it didn't push through. The plans got all messed up, so to our disappointment, it didn't happen.

But it's okay though, I can't have everything right? It would've been more than awesome, but these things happens, so... what would I have said to him anyway? I'm pretty sure he's absolutely sick of hearing Survivor questions. If anything, I most probably would've been the biggest dork ever, being such a fanatic and all. I'm getting a mental picture right now... pretty funny.

Other than that... Thea and Dylan spent the week with us, and they'll be spending every week to come with us as well. It's been great having the whole family together since we haven't been all together in a really long time. It's been really fun having them around. And going to bed knowing that they'll be there the next morning is a pretty good feeling to add to everything else.

Since our family's really close, it's just a blast when we're all together, just really being a family. Picking on each other (jokingly of course), laughing together, or at each other, whatever the occasion calls for, and just, being happy together. It's such a great feeling to be complete.

They've gone to the other house today to spend time with Dylan's dad and his family, and they'll be back on Tuesday.

The Weekend

So my sister and I went and saw the Alicia Keys concert last Saturday, and she was amazing. When it comes to her dancing, she's no Britney, but her singing... WoW. Whether an artist's talented or not, really comes out during their live show.

We were seated in the last possible row. And the venue was huge, and it was a sold out show. And since it's a dome, not only were we far, we were also pretty high up. So we could see the entire venue, and can I just say, I've never seen so many people in my entire life. When she told everyone to start clapping, they'd start clapping, and from our view, it was definitely a sight to see.

The tickets were actually free, so the day before the show, we went online to see the venue's floor plan, to see where we'd be seated. And we saw that it was far. Like I said, last row possible. Which was okay with me, because I'm an Alicia Keys fan, just not a HUGE fan or anything like that, so just hearing her, was okay for me.

So anyways, since we knew we were gonna be so far, I decided to bring binoculars. Which turned out to be a pretty good idea, because we were able to see her up close, in a way.So all in all, she was amazing, her back up singers were awesome, the band was good, and it was a pretty good show. I'm glad I got to go. That would make it concert number six for this year.

Thea and Dylan have been at home with us since Thursday, and it's been great. Usually, we go over to visit them, but this time, we changed it up a bit. I miss them so much when they're not around, so having them be at home, the whole family there, was really nice. When they're not there, it always seems as if something's missing.

Dylan is one happy baby. And not to mention the most malikot boy you'll ever meet. When that little man figures out how to crawl, we're all in trouble. When he figures out how to walk and run, we're in a whole lot of trouble. There will be no keeping that boy still. He is just such a joy, and he has this amazing ability to make you smile, no matter what mood you happen to be in. Such innocence and happiness, he is a gift to this family.

It's also been so great to have Thea around. Getting to hang out again, go to the mall and whatever. It's also so much easier for her to be at home, because she's got five extra people to help her out with the little one, as opposed to minimal or no help at all. So why doesn't she just stay here? I wish it were that simple, but it's a bit more complicated than that.

So all in all, this weekend's been pretty good. It's been a while since the whole family's been together, so it's been really nice. Dylan's gotten to know us all a bit more, and I think it's safe to say that he's gotten pretty attached to his grandpa. Hopefully we can do this more often, but we'll see how things go.

Planet Earth and it's Inhabitants

***This might be a bit depressing, but it's only the truth

We live in a world that's polluted, overpopulated, and full of evil, to name a few things. Money rules the world. Anybody who says that "money is the root of all evil", doesn't have any. Millions and millions of people have to work with minimum wage salaries, and chances are, they're crappy jobs, that they probably hate, but have to do, because they have families that they have to feed, children to send to school, in other words, people they need to provide for. They work their asses off trying to do that, and a lot of the time, it's just not enough.

Consider them lucky, because another couple of million people don't even have jobs. They're submerged in poverty, living on the streets, stomachs empty, begging on the side of the road. A lot of them are children, brought into the world with no other choice.

But at the same time, here are these celebrities, who make millions of dollars for what they do. They can afford to live in massive mansions, furnished with the most expensive things money can buy. They can have five of the same cars all different colors if they wanted. The most expensive clothes, living a lavish lifestyle, having more money than they could ever spend.

And when it comes to these designer labels, why is it that the celebrities, who we've established are drowning in cash, get the discounts? It's not like they can't afford it. It's more like they're the only ones who can (afford it). Celebrities and heiresses are chosen for million dollar endorsements. Why? If you can afford to spend that much money to have someone endorse something, pick somebody who could use the money.

Our generation is so high tech. We have invented something for everything. The human brain is capable of so much. We all have potential to be geniouses. We're so smart, we know right from wrong, we know how to get things done. So why is it that it's so hard for us to put trash in trash cans? We choose to toss it out into the street instead. What's up with that?

I don't watch the news because a lot of it is just negative, and I don't know politics. But I know that our governments are corrupt. Power hungry. A person running for president will cheat just so they can win. So what's the point of voting? If, as the person running, you know you're gonna lose, why would you still cheat? So you can run a country and it's people, who don't want you to run them? You cheat, you "win", and then what? The people didn't choose you, they don't want you there.

So many people out there are so insanely paranoid, because out there, it's just not safe anymore. Walking home alone can scare anybody half to death, because the reality is, there's something to be scared of. Being mugged, raped, or even killed. For money? Material things? No one feels safe anymore and it's just so wrong.

I guess it's like that for equilibrium, balance. Because at the same time, while there's so much evil, there's still enough good. But it doesn't stop it from being puzzling. I don't really know how to end this. I've said pretty much what I've wanted to say. So I'll leave it at that.

I've Done The Unthinkable

So, we were talking about Friendster. I have avoided that place for over a year (I've already mentioned why), despite all the people telling me I should join. See, just the word join, it's like they're inviting me into their cult. Okay, so maybe that's a little over the top.

So with what I've done, I've contradicted myself as well as, shall I say, my values. I have done the unthinkable, and I have signed up for friendster. Initially, it was just so that I could look at people's profiles. See how conceited or humble they were. A lot of them have hidden profiles though, so that wasn't very effective.

Yea, I'm on my space, and I like it so much better. The all around layout, and the blog that comes with it. But eveyone else I know is on friendster. It's the same with this, I have a blog on here, but everyone else is on live journal. That's the problem with wanting to be different. You're usually left all by yourself with the decisions you make.

I'm not gonna be bitter about having joined, and in that sense, losing the strike. Because here's my logic behind it. People are more likely to log onto friendster than take the time to email someone. In other words, being a part of it, makes it so much easier to keep in touch. Whether I like the person or not, I'll know where to reach them, if ever.

Friendster and my space, if you think about it, is just one big directory. Connecting millions and millions of people, it's an online phonebook. And I think it's a good idea to be a part of it. My intentions are purely for keeping in touch with people, because I realise it's importance now.

Having signed up, I have found people that I most probably would never have heard from again, for the rest of my life. You are meant to meet the people you meet, and in the same way, if you lose someone forever, for whatever reason, that's how it was supposed to be. And those people, you'll find, are not a part of friendster or my space.

Exploring New Things

My sister signed me up for this, well... not so new, but new to me, thing. It's called My Space. And basically, it's almost exactly like Friendster. I'm sure you've heard of that. It was taking over the world. Anyways, I never joined Friendster, because, quite simply, I never wanted to. If I had, it would've felt like I had given in to the craze, and I didn't want to do that. My sister will tell you the same.

My Space is different because for one thing, it has a blog (uh-oh, you have competition). I started setting my profile up yesterday, and I don't exactly know my way around yet. I'm so new to the whole "networking" experience, I admit, I'm a little lost.

But I'm gonna try it out, see how it goes, hopefully make some friends along the way, which is the point of the whole thing. More to do online, I guess.

I'm always up for trying new things, trying to be as spontaneous as I can be. Although there's hardly anything spontaneous about My Space. But it does run the risk of making someone feel like a loser with the lack of their friend count. *points directly at self* But oh well, like I said, I'm hoping to change that, and I guess we'll see if I'm any good at this.

Randomness

Well, I thought I should write. My "psychobabble" entry has been at the top of the page for a bit too long. And nobody seems to know what the hell I'm going on about, which I must admit, was the entire point of it. What it's about, is up to you.

Not much going on around here. I've been posting over at the LPU MBs, but it's a little dead right now, so I decided to write, but unfortunately, I'm a little brain dead right now, so I can't think of what I could possibly write about. I'll think of something... Off the top of my head.

September's about to end. Christmas is not that far off. I'm actually not a Christmas person. I guess as I got older, the whole Christmas "magic" sort of disappeared. But I do remember the days when I would get so excited as the twenty fifth came closer. And I admit, it was all about the presents, and the food. I think that's what it symbolised to me.

They've actually already started playing Christmas carols. Which is completely insane, I think. Well, I guess... It's not like we have Halloween carols or anything. Thankfully, I might add.

Yea, I'm just not as excited about Christmas as I used to be. And I'm not exactly sure what changed that. Now I'm trying to think of the answer, which is pretty useless, because I honestly don't know.

Christmas used to give me this feeling. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it felt like Christmas. Do you know what I mean? And for the past few years, it sort of just disappeared, and it was nothing more to me than an ordinary day. I wonder if the feeling will ever come back, or if it's gone forever.

I used to have the same anticipation for my birthday, and I seem to have lost that as well. It just gradually became unimportant. What is that? Why is it like that? And I'm so young, so I wonder if that feeling's ever gonna come back. Or maybe, this whole "lost feeling" is just a phase?

I don't know. If you have an answer for me, I'd be glad to hear it. But that's all I have for now. So there. How's that for off the top of my head? I'll think of something better for next time.

Psychobabble

Being abandoned. It's not exactly the best feeling in the world. It was my top priority (rather stupidly) when I was younger. It made me feel secure, in a way, and when I left it, I thought that nothing would change, and I continued to cherish it. But as time went on, it's value slowly became infintesimal. I did all I could to revive it, but it eventually dissipated. It went from being visited sporadically, to non existent.

It's definitely disappointing to lose something that used to be important to me. But it's not the first time that it's happened. It'll probably happen again. But now I'm ready for it to happen again. And it won't hurt so much when it comes around.

I've learned my lesson, and I'm moving on. I thought that I really needed this, which is why I tried to keep it alive. But it's pretty useless when the effort's only coming from one end. So I don't blame myself at all, because I know I tried, I did what I could, even though it proved to be a waste of time.

So I'm letting it go, as much as I wish I didn't have to. It's a painful realisation, but it's just one of life's many lessons. And it will only get better once I accept it. And that's what I'm doing. It's what I've done. I've accepted it, I'm thankful for it, and I'm moving on.

Ditching this one, making a new bunch, setting my priorities straight. It's about time I get this right. I'll be a better person for it.

Life's lessons. Talk about a slap on the face. It doesn't go easy on you. I suggest you learn those lessons as fast as you can, so you don't have to get slapped so much. Trust me, if you're getting slapped for a lesson you've already gone through (but for some reason, chose to ignore), it hurts more.

Movies Galore

A lot of new movies are coming out all the time, and being a movie buff, I went out and watched them a lot. But lately, that's not the case. Hollywood just doesn't seem to be coming out with anything appealing to me anymore. That, and ticket prices aren't exactly as cheap as they used to be, so if I'm paying that much to see a flick, it might as well be a good one.

I think, the last good movie I saw, something that I REALLY liked, was "The Notebook". And that was even based on a book. But I guess, in its defense, they're completely different from one another. I preferred the movie to the book. If you've seen the movie (or read the book), you'll know what I mean when I say that I want a Noah. I don't think there's really anything to explain. It sort of speaks for itself. =)

I just saw "Dodge Ball". Somebody told me that it was extremely hilarious, so I went and saw it. It was okay. It was funny, but I was expecting to be laughing the whole time, which I wasn't. After I saw "Starsky and Hutch", I told myself I wouldn't watch another Ben Stiller film, because they've become overrated, unfortunately.

Before that, I saw "The Terminal". I liked it. Except for the ending. But otherwise, I liked the story, and it was entertaining, hardly predictable, and cute. Tom Hanks films, still doing good.

I guess it's not Hollywood. Maybe it's me. I've become pretty hard to please when it comes to movies. It's just that, a lot of the scripts being made into movies are just so... blah. Too many sequels, nobody can come up with anything new anymore. And then all of a sudden, a bombardment of comic books coming to the big screen. It wouldn't be so bad if they were any good. And if not comic books, then books. It's gotta be based on something, no one wants to do their own thing.

But, as you know, these are just MY opinions. Don't slaughter me if you happen to disagree.

I'm back!

I haven't had internet access for the past couple of days. Before that, I did, I just didn't have a topic as usual. I spent the last three days with my sister, helping her out with Dylan who just turned four months recently.

It definitely takes up a whole lot of energy to take care of a growing boy. He wakes up at ridiculous hours demanding to be fed, and it just takes so much patience to be able to do it. And if you're doing it practically alone, and with minimum help, it definitely takes it's toll on you.

It's not exactly easy, but my sister, she does it. Of course it's so hard not to love him, but to be able to do what she does, taking care of him, losing sleep, and everything else in between.

It's been hard being away from family, it's hard for me being away from her, but it's something that's got to be done. I'm just so proud of her. She's taken on the role of mother, and plays it out to perfection. She loves her son, he loves her back, and it's so obvious.

I really miss having her around. Spending days doing nothing at the mall, window shopping. Being lazy at home, talking about everything, being absolutely weird! Nobody else gets me like she does. It blows my mind, how we're so different, practically opposites, yet at the same time, we're identically alike.

Yes, I miss her, but Dylan needs her more than I do. And we won't be apart for much longer, if everything goes well. And when that happens, she won't have to be so alone, and we can get back to having our extremely weird moments that only we seem to get.

Happy Birthday Gio!!! =)

I can't think

Well, I said I'd write when I had time, and I have time now. But just like last time, I still have no particular subject in mind. Does anybody ever read this anyway? Aside from my sister. =) But I won't be discouraged with the lack of hits and comments. I guess, ultimately, this is just a place for me to unload.

It's just me and my dad this weekend. The rest of my family's gone to visit my relatives. I guess that'll give me some time to finally finish the book I'm reading, since I've been neglecting it all week. And clean up my room, if I get the energy to start. Just as long as I have my music on, cleaning up isn't too bad.

I find that really weird though, that I'm so OC about germs, but my room's a mess. Well, okay, it's not that messy. But it's not the neatest thing you'll ever see... But when I re-read that sentence, I totally pictured my room to have absolutely no walking space on the floor, clothes and rotting food everywhere. Which is disgusting, and there is no way my room would ever get like that.

So, okay, trying to put descriptive pictures in people's heads, not my area of expertise. Although babbling might be... have you noticed? I should probably stop before this gets any weirder. haha =)

Oh, I just had lunch at McDonald's with my older brother... I think that might've been the most time we've spent together in months. But I was glad he was there, cuz if not, I would've had to eat alone, and that would've been sad.

So there it is, my entry for the day. I'll get back to you.

BlaH

The past couple of days have been dark and rainy. I like it. They're the type of days that make you want to just stay home in your bed under your blanket.

The past couple of days have also been spent being super competitive with my brothers on the PS2. haha =)

Well, I haven't written in a while, and I just thought I'd update, eventhough I don't really have anything in particular to write about. But I'll try to take up space as best as I can.

On second thought... I really can't. I'll try to write something a little more whatever next time...

Things That I Love

I think that it takes too much energy to be sad. Plus, it's much more fun to be happy. If you can find one thing to be happy about, then consider yourself lucky.

*Books- I love the stories that they tell, and the ability they have to take you to another place. How they have the power to make you feel all the emotions.

*Movies- It's a book with moving pictures!

*Music- Oh wow... where do I start? I cannot even begin to imagine a life without music. Music is something that I really love. It gives me something to be passionate about. There's different music for different moods, and it can make you feel so much.

*Pictures- There's no better way to preserve your memories.

*Sports- The intensity, the competitiveness, the dedication. The excitement it can get out of people.

*Food- Need I say more?

*Art- There is so much to love about art. I don't do art, I just like to look at it. Whether it's paintings, drawings, body art, any kind of art. It's self expression.

*Writing- It's art that I know how to do. Again, self expression.

*Laughter and Humor- Who doesn't love a good laugh? "A day without laughter is a day most wasted".

*Weather/Nature- Clouds are so beautiful. And rain. As long as you're not getting soaked under it, rain is good.

There's a lot to love and be happy about. So it should really take a lot to make you sad.

My Movie Review

I just saw "The Stepford Wives" with my mom. In a word... it was weird. I dunno. The whole thing was just so weird.

Okay, so basically, they move to Stepford and everything is just perfect. Not the nice kind of perfect, the seriously strange type of perfect. And then they find out (don't worry, this won't ruin the movie for you if you haven't seen it yet), that the wives are actually robots, purposely made to be perfect for their husbands.

I'm sorry, I just can't get over how strange that flick was. It's probably one of the weirdest movies I've ever seen. So was it good? Eh... it was okay. But of course, that's just my opinion. Watch it if you want, and judge it for yourself. Or if you just want an excuse to see Nicole Kidman, who by the way, looks better as a blonde. Again, my opinion.

I guess the message they were trying to send out was that perfect isn't everything. And sometimes we think we want things to be perfect, but in truth, there's really no such thing.

We'd like to live in a "perfect" world, and that's what Stepford is. And so you see that, and then all of sudden, you want to get out, because it's all just too strange.

So yes, there's no such thing as perfect. Imagine if everything was? And it was exactly like Stepford? How boring. So if you think about it, we need controversy, drama, and imperfections to balance it all out for equilibrium.

So in a nutshell, when it comes down to it, not everything can be perfect. And sometimes, that's okay.

Concert Chaos

I was able to go to the Hoobastank concert last night. I wasn't sure what to expect since I don't know anything about them as live performers. I did hear a live version of their song on the radio a couple of times, and it was terrible. But then again, every live performance is different, which proved to be true, since last night was not terrible at all.

It was pretty good. The audience was hyped, and so was the band. I had fun eventhough I only knew five of their songs. Because the day I was gonna buy their album, it was sold out, and I just never got around to getting it after that, which I think I should have.

The first time I heard the song, "the reason", was on the internet, when Hoobastank was touring with Linkin Park, P.O.D and Story of The Year last January. And I remember, I loved it. And then all of a sudden, it gets released as a radio single, and they're playing it everywhere, up to the point that I just got so sick of it, which was sad because it's a good song. It just got super played out.

So a few weeks before the concert, I told myself that I didn't want to hear that song again until then (because, no duh, they'd play it). But it was kind of useless, cuz it seems as if there's just no escaping that song.

So, back to last night. Rivermaya opened for them, and they got the crowd warmed up, which is what they're supposed to do. So by the time their set is over, we're all amped, and we want to see Hoobastank. But that wouldn't happen for a while.

A DJ from a radio station calls up some contest winner to talk about how he got his free passes to the show. So all that energy that Rivermaya got out of us, was absolutely pointless. Because there he is, talking to what seemed like the most monotonous contest winner of all time, and we're bored all over again.

So finally, after all that, the lights go off, the entire place erupts, and Hoobastank starts to play. There was so much energy coming from all the fans, and it was so loud! Everybody's screaming at the top of their lungs, and if you are as well, you won't even be able to hear yourself.

I think they played for about an hour, but for some reason, it seemed like a lot longer. Maybe because, I didn't know the songs? =/ Of course, the girls went crazy when Doug took off his shirt... but hey, if you've got something to flaunt, then you might as well. =) haha!

All in all, it was great, and I had a lot of fun. There really is nothing quite like a live show. And I love it! =) i can't wait until the next one.

Gifted

I am now the proud owner of "White Fluffly Clouds", a book by Brandon Boyd. Some of you may be more familiar with him if referred to as "the lead singer of Incubus". Aside from being a singer/songwriter (and a good one, I might add), Brandon is also a very talented artist.

Unfortunately, not too many people know this about him because a lot of the time (again, unfortunately), they're too caught up in his "hottness" to know anything else about him. I don't mean for that to be offensive, it's just true a lot of the time.

The book showcases his amazing art, pictures that he's taken, thoughts, and "psycho babble", among other things. Amazing is really the only word I can think of to describe it. It's really different from anything I've seen, and in that sense, I really like it. It's just really... out there, and it's so refreshing to see some variety, especially nowadays, when it feels as if everything's been done.




That's the book cover. And that drawing, in particular, is one of my personal favorites. The whole book is just so inspiring, I can only wish that I could draw like that, if I could draw at all.

And speaking of inspirations, you can only wonder what was going through Brandon's head while he was drawing all of that. I seriously just want to sit down with him and ask him all about the book, and what the drawings represent to him.

If you're into art, and you're all for diversity, then I suggest you check it out. *A HUGE thank you to Monica for providing me with my copy. =) Also, check out www.brandonboydbooks.com for a better preview.

Brandon Boyd, is truly gifted.

Battle For The Moonman

The MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs) is fast approaching. Voting for the Viewers Choice Award is getting intense.

I think voting started this month, and there were a lot of nominees in the running. This is the only award that is voted for by the fans, so supposedly, it's one of the most important awards of the night, I guess in the sense that they find out who has the most dedicated fanbase. Or in other words, the best fans in the world!

It's in the third round now (out of four), and there are only ten artists left. Linkin Park being one of them. (Incubus was nominated too, and I voted for them, but they kinda didn't make it =/) It's a head to head competition. It's a versus kind of thing. Right now, it's Linkin Park VS Evanescence. In the past two rounds they went against Kelis and I forgot the other one...

It's tough competition, and both sides (of fans) want their band to win. So everybody's voting like crazy (I've only voted for them three times though). Obviously, it's a battle and they want to know who's got the better fans. In a way, that sounds kinda mean (and not to mention, a little scary), but that's how it is. Only one band makes it to the final round.

The LPU has over 60,000 members. I'm not gonna say anything, cuz I don't want to jinx it... but yea, I want them to win. I have nothing against Evanescence, but I'm on LP's side... duh!

You should see some of the messages posted about it on both band's message boards. The other wants very badly to kick the other's ass. I guess we'll have to wait and see. =)

Go here to vote... http://www.mtv.com/onair/vma/2004/viewers_choice/ This round ends on August 16.

*That was the FANATIC coming out of me...

Aimless

Has anybody heard of Story Of The Year? They're my newest music fixation. The first time I heard "Anthem Of Our Dying Day", I was hooked. That song was stuck in my head for over 24 hours. And the thing was, I didn't really know the words to the song yet, so only that one part kept playing over and over in my head.

"From up here, the city lights burn, like a thousand miles of fire"

I know a lot more of the song now though. =) I wanna get their album. CDs are kinda expensive though, and unfortunately for me, my CD wants list is pretty long. =/

And you know what I realised a few days ago? I know how to sing our National Anthem, but I have absolutely no idea what it translates to. I tried, but it's just hopeless. If I had to translate that to save my life, I'd most definitely die. Isn't that just wrong?

Yea, I sorta didn't have a topic, but I thought I should write. Oh, here's a boring topic for you...

FORMULA ONE
I like Formula One. I know that a lot of people (Thea) think that this is the most boring thing in the world, and would rather not read about it. You don't have to read it, but I want to write about it.

I will actually have to agree with my sister, that yes, it's boring. This season, at least. The same guy has won all the races except one since the season started. There's nothing exciting about that. It's SO boring. Last season was so much better, and I'm hoping that next season is better too.

Michael Schumacher. Five times World Champion, going for his sixth. I definitely respect the guy, but could he please stop winning some time soon?

I'm actually for his younger brother Ralf, but he crashed into a concrete wall at 190mph at the Indianapolis Grand Prix, which gave him a concussion (his second in the span of a year), so he's not allowed to drive for a few months, most probably for the rest of the season. What's worse, he practically demoted himself by moving to Toyota for next year.

So both my BMW drivers are switching teams, but two quite respectable ones are taking over. Nearly everybody's switching teams actually, so there's a huge driver shuffle. Hopefully it will result in a more exciting 2005 season.

Okay, I'm done. =)

Senior Year

Summer break's over and the school year starts today. Senior year, the last leg of high school. Except... I'm not there. I'm supposed to be graduating in June, next year, but I haven't even started high school.

Three years of being out of school has taught me so much. It's involved a lot of mixed feelings. A lot of anger and denial, I admit, in the earlier years, but I'm okay now. It's definitely been disappointing, but I know now that it's all for the better.

If I hadn't had to stop school, sure, I'd be graduating next year, but as what? When I was in school, I hardly paid attention, rushed my homework, never went to tutorials, did everything wrong. I think I would've died, and the four years in high school would've been a huge waste. During all that time, I should've been doing the opposite. And again, I know that NOW.

Two years ago, I was really concerned about having to go back and be the oldest person in the grade. But now, I don't really care. I think I've grown so much, and learned so much, that my perspective on everything's just changed. And I'm really glad that it has.

Pay attention, do my homework... WELL, ask for help. It's easier said than done. In a way, I'm really scared to put that to the test. I think I've been out of school for so long, that I've forgotten what it's like. I know what I have to do, but the hard part is finding out whether I can do it or not.

Some people might look at my three year "break" as unfortunate. But really, I think that it might be one of the best things that's ever happened to me.

Friends Forever

Is there even such a thing? I've been thinking about it, and it seems as if there really isn't. When you say that to someone (with all honesty), chances are, you're young (and most probably a girl). I guess, what it is, is just a hopeful wish. A wish that you will stay friends forever. But how often does that actually happen?

As a person who likes to believe in good things like happy endings, I'd also like to believe that you can count on "friends forever". But unfortunately, like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (you'd like to think it's there, but it's really not), it doesn't exist. It's possible, yea, but it would take a lot of hard work coming from both ends, and in this day and age, most people prefer things to be easy, and as simple as it can get. Which in my opinion, is a huge pity.

I've lost contact with so many people that I used to know, and I thought we'd know each other for the rest of our lives. But I was young, and I didn't realise how important keeping in touch was. And even if we did keep in touch, would we still be friends a couple of years down the line?

People grow up, and they change. If you were friends with someone when you were ten, even if you guys are together during the time in between, you might not be friends when you're twenty. Common interests will change, sometimes up to the point that you can't relate to each other anymore, and it breaks the friendship apart, because you yourselves have grown apart.

I'm not saying that all friendships are going to suffer that fate, I'm just saying that a lot of the time, that's how it is. Change is inevitable. Maintaining a friendship is a lot of hard work, and sadly, a lot of people aren't up to it.

It's not often that we find friends that we'd like to keep. You don't find real friends everyday either. That is a rarity and a privilege to have. So if you've got a friend or friends worth keeping, I suggest you work hard and do your part to keep the friendship going.

And keep in touch! It's the year 2004, with all the technology, there's really no excuse. A simple text message, a phone call, an e-mail. You don't need to be a genious to work any of them.

Most of the time, we take things for granted and think it's not important, but it is. Friends can define who you are or who you will be in the future. They can play a really huge role in your life. So I guess how long "friends forever" lasts, is really up to you.

Behind The Music

A few nights ago, I saw Behind The Music on VH1, and it was on Britney Spears. And it was really interesting. I'm not a fan of her music, but I do think that she's an amazing dancer, and I definitely respect what she does. I think even more so, after seeing that show.

Ever since she came out, her name has been in the tabloids constantly. She has gotten so big, that everybody knows who she is. Whether you love or hate her, you know her name. I think that you'd be weird if you didn't know who Britney Spears was.

On the show, someone was saying (and I totally agree), that just because she's in the lime light all the time, people think that they deserve to be nosy, and that they deserve to know every single detail that's going on in her life. They feel that they need to comment and judge her on everything she does.

And why is that? Why is it that people care so much about who she's dating, or what she's wearing, or whether she's had surgery or not? Not just Britney even, pretty much all celebrities.

One of the biggest issues with her, was whether she'd had a boob job done or not. I don't think she did. She was 16? when she first started out, and she's 20 something now. Isn't it possible that she just "bloomed"? I mean, it happens. Just because her breasts got bigger, why do we have to automatically think that it was a boob job? Maybe she did, but why should we even care? It's HER boobs...

So many girls out there wish they could be her, because there are so many things about her that you'd want to be. The only aspect of her life that can't be envied, is her lack of privacy.

I think that there are things, certain information, that people and fans are privileged to know. Like tour dates, publicity appearances, when they start recording their albums, when it comes out, future projects. You know, things like that. Yea, it sounds boring, and the controversial topics are way more interesting, but really, it's none of our business.

I guess sometimes we forget that they're human too, just like us. They just have a better job. =) And it is a JOB. They work hard for what they do.

So there. I can't believe I have an entire entry about Britney Spears... I weird myself out.