4 Months Late

So I managed to disappear for a few months. So much for one entry a month, huh? Today, I will blame that on lack of inspiration, and a lack of desire to share my thoughts with the public. For as long as I've been alive, I have been quiet, shy and reclusive. Never one to want to bask in the limelight, never one to ask for attention. Rather, I felt more comfortable hiding in the shadows, going unnoticed, living in solitude. And so it is still, to this day.

I haven't left my house since Sunday evening. It is Thursday afternoon today. No, it's not that I'm that much of a recluse. I've been sick. As in the whole, temperature, headache, chills, sore throat, cough thing. It has not been fun. Truth be told, I probably shouldn't even be looking at a monitor right now, but I guess that's just how hard headed I am. Or more accurately, how bored I am. I've run out of things to do, books to read, and things to think about - and thinking, I've been doing a lot of.

My brain is embracing a pattern of thoughts. It began slowly tracing out this pattern earlier in the year, becoming more defined as the months passed, until finally, it has become embedded deep within my very being. This is my blue print. My plan for my future. My world is revolving around this so called blue print, and step one is scheduled to take place in three months. This step will indicate the first major change in my life since roughly ten years ago. Which means that the last ten years of my life has been lived in "hibernation", in a manner of speaking. Once this step has been taken, I will consider it my "awakening". The first step to change. And if all things go according to plan, then even more change will be expected to follow.

Life is not predictable. It was not designed to be. You have your dreams, you make your plans, and they either happen or they don't, depending on what you do, and the choices that you make leading up to it. Although, I wonder - Does fate play a part in all this? If life is what you make of it, where does fate come in? If you were destined to arrive at a certain point in your life, does it matter what choices you make before arrival? If you're going to end up there regardless of your actions anyway, then how are the choices now relevant? If it's fate, then the outcome should not be jeopardised. ?? I don't know what I'm talking about anymore...

Anyway, I will now leave you to ponder that, as I seem to have confused myself.