Yay For Fridays

As I sit here counting down the hours til the start of my weekend, I can't help but to be a little repulsed by my sloth-like attitude. Not that I'm insulting the humble creature by comparing my negative personality traits with its general description/stereo typed reputation (that of being slow and lazy). But really, it was the only thing I could think of while constructing the sentence in my head.

And so, thanks to whatever my mood of the moment can be described as, this entry is born. Specs as follows:

Topic: None
Purpose: None
Meaningful message: Probably none
Inspiration: Boredom

I already predict that after this post is published, I will be consumed with guilt for neglecting my tasks and responsibilities that I should have been attending to and instead opted to write this entry... woe is me.

I find myself day dreaming often these last few weeks. Of my life plans, things that I'd like to happen, etc. If only day dreaming about it were enough to make it happen. Then I'd probably have everything I've ever wanted in this world! But, as reality would have it, that's just not the way things work here. Because think about it; if things actually did happen that way, everything would probably be chaotic. It would erase the balance of the Universe. If everyone just got everything they ever wanted, just by thinking about it? Wow. What am I talking about?

Change thought... Aaaand, I'm not getting anything. I guess I will go now.

4 Months Late

So I managed to disappear for a few months. So much for one entry a month, huh? Today, I will blame that on lack of inspiration, and a lack of desire to share my thoughts with the public. For as long as I've been alive, I have been quiet, shy and reclusive. Never one to want to bask in the limelight, never one to ask for attention. Rather, I felt more comfortable hiding in the shadows, going unnoticed, living in solitude. And so it is still, to this day.

I haven't left my house since Sunday evening. It is Thursday afternoon today. No, it's not that I'm that much of a recluse. I've been sick. As in the whole, temperature, headache, chills, sore throat, cough thing. It has not been fun. Truth be told, I probably shouldn't even be looking at a monitor right now, but I guess that's just how hard headed I am. Or more accurately, how bored I am. I've run out of things to do, books to read, and things to think about - and thinking, I've been doing a lot of.

My brain is embracing a pattern of thoughts. It began slowly tracing out this pattern earlier in the year, becoming more defined as the months passed, until finally, it has become embedded deep within my very being. This is my blue print. My plan for my future. My world is revolving around this so called blue print, and step one is scheduled to take place in three months. This step will indicate the first major change in my life since roughly ten years ago. Which means that the last ten years of my life has been lived in "hibernation", in a manner of speaking. Once this step has been taken, I will consider it my "awakening". The first step to change. And if all things go according to plan, then even more change will be expected to follow.

Life is not predictable. It was not designed to be. You have your dreams, you make your plans, and they either happen or they don't, depending on what you do, and the choices that you make leading up to it. Although, I wonder - Does fate play a part in all this? If life is what you make of it, where does fate come in? If you were destined to arrive at a certain point in your life, does it matter what choices you make before arrival? If you're going to end up there regardless of your actions anyway, then how are the choices now relevant? If it's fate, then the outcome should not be jeopardised. ?? I don't know what I'm talking about anymore...

Anyway, I will now leave you to ponder that, as I seem to have confused myself.